sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
