My Higher Power is John Stamos
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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