Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
