She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
