does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
