Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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