i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
