so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
