My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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