the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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