I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
