We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
