naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
