I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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