Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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