Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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