last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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