woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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