Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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