look no pants
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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