genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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