i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
