Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize