she woke up with a sticky ear
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
