Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we're making bets on your personal life
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
