we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
