dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
