alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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