Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
