You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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