The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
