My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I will pee on everything he values.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
