Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
