Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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