Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
