We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
