From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wish there were birth control emojis
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
