Your face is a jimmy john
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize