hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
