then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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