The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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