shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
