I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
