Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
