do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
