My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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