he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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