Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
