Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
