For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
