I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
