That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
