moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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