i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
