Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
