Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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