I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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