My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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