Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
