I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
