i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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