He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
