i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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