I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
