belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
