hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
