5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
