my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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