She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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