she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
