guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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