I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
