redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
