Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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