from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
